doctor:so you say you've been suffering from pain in the anus?
me:yeah pretty much
doctor:well LETS TAKE A LOOK
-doctor looks at my anus it's really awkward-
doctor:yep, you seem to have torn your anus. but don't worry, it's only a little tear and it will heal in a short amount of time, come see me if you feel any more pain or if you think something is wrong
me:ok then well goodby-
doctor:have you had anal sex recently?
doctor:you've either strained yourself too hard while pooping or you've had anal
SCIENTISTS MAKE BREAKTHROUGH ON “MOST RELAXING TUNE”
“Tranquil”, a variation on scientists’ previous track “Weightless”, is now being called a scientific breakthrough in sleep and relaxation technology. Utilizing a rhythmic and dissonant soundscape, barren yet fertile enough to produce outstanding results. Including the new patented technology designed by SleepKeys™, a company that develops musical peripherals designated for “An audience in need of a nap!”
SleepKeys™ developer, Harold Bracisezewski, released a statement saying: “Our incredible new device, The DreamCatcher, provides the whooshing and throbbing bass sounds capable of soothing your average child, adult, and even household pets.”
Oh my GOD and I thought the last one was relaxing holy shit